I won’t post any pictures up in this piece, simply because the images are vomit-inducing and I don’t want to be brought up on obscenity charges, but just type “3DS Circle Pad Pro” into google if you have a strong stomach and can handle some truly poorly designed hardware. Go on, I’ll wait.
Horrifying isn’t it? I know, right. Excuse me, I may need to throw up just thinking about it…. OK, I’m back.
I have to ask, who the hell thought that this was a properly designed add-on for such a brilliant console? How on earth did it get past Quality Control? Are they serious with this?
The hard facts of this thing are thus: it adds a second circle pad to the 3DS, and “ZL” and”ZR” shoulder button triggers. Because fitting the unit covers up the “R” button, an extra one is added to the unit. It runs off one AAA battery to give approximately 480 hours of use and fits over the 3DS much like a docking station. It also rounds out the corners and adds more surface area to grip onto.
I can’t comment on the performance of the thing, because I refuse to buy it. I’d rather be caught purchasing hardcore pornography by my grandmother than the general public buying this monstrosity. Not that I buy hardcore pornography, you understand. I mean, who buys porn these days anyway?
I digress, no, I can’t comment on the usefulness of the CPP, though I think it may be quite handy, having a second analogue nubbin and extra shoulder buttons, especially for shooters, as in for camera controls and the like.
However, it kind of flies in the face of the point of the 3DS and the DS lines. Nintendo are all about innovation these days, and using interesting technology to give unique gaming experiences, so why would they pander to a “dual-stick” trend in mainstream console gaming? I remember how brilliant the idea of the DS original was way back in ’05, and I still very much enjoy the series as a concept and as a working model. Without the touchscreen second screen, we probably wouldn’t have touchscreen smartphones, and we certainly wouldn’t have the PS Vita. We won’t go into the 3D aspect of the thing here, that’s for another day.
Or maybe the design is a clever ruse: put consumers off buying it, so that it doesn’t sell, and in turn won’t sell more action-oriented games,so developers won’t make mediocre action games and third-rate ports which conveniently use a dual-stick approach, and instead develop for the platform. Or maybe that’s wishful thinking. We all know gaming is a moneymaker, so why would Ninty intentionally hurt sales through this way?
I can’t really decide: bad design, shrewd business, misguided innovation? All of the above? The jury’s out for me, but feel free to drop comments on this. We’d love to hear your thoughts.
I may need to go watch A Serbian Film to get this thing out of my head. Only joking. Seriously, don’t look that film up. Just reading the synopsis made me ill.
Disclaimer: ED Thoughts are run as an editorial series and are intended to express opinions and thoughts. While we do aim to inform and entertain, we are susceptible to bias, and as such our opinions may differ from your own and our experiences most definitely do. We try to be as accurate with the facts as we can, but we reserve the right to be pretty dang ridiculous with our opinions and speculation and all that extra stuff. Feel free to call us out on any bullshit though, we do appreciate it.